Un grand classique.

CROWD:  A witch!  A witch!  A witch!  A witch!  We've found a witch!  A witch!

    A witch!  A witch!  A witch!  We've got a witch!  A witch!  A witch!  Burn

    her!  Burn her!  Burn her!  We've found a witch!  We've found a witch!  A

    witch!  A witch!  A witch!

VILLAGER #1:  We have found a witch.  May we burn her?

CROWD:  Burn her!  Burn!  Burn her!  Burn her!

BEDEVERE:  How do you know she is a witch?

VILLAGER #2:  She looks like one.

CROWD:  Right!  Yeah!  Yeah!

BEDEVERE:  Bring her forward.

WITCH:  I'm not a witch.  I'm not a witch.

BEDEVERE:  Uh, but you are dressed as one.

WITCH:  They dressed me up like this.

CROWD:  Augh, we didn't!  We didn't...

WITCH:  And this isn't my nose.  It's a false one.

BEDEVERE:  Well?

VILLAGER #1:  Well, we did do the nose.

BEDEVERE:  The nose?

VILLAGER #1:  And the hat, but she is a witch!

VILLAGER #2:  Yeah!

CROWD:  We burn her!  Right!  Yeaaah!  Yeaah!

BEDEVERE:  Did you dress her up like this?

VILLAGER #1:  No!

VILLAGER #2 and 3: No.  No.

VILLAGER #2:  No.

VILLAGER #1:  No.

VILLAGERS #2 and #3:  No.

VILLAGER #1:  Yes.

VILLAGER #2:  Yes.

VILLAGER #1:  Yes.  Yeah, a bit.

VILLAGER #3:  A bit.

VILLAGERS #1 and #2:  A bit.

VILLAGER #3:  A bit.

VILLAGER #1:  She has got a wart.

RANDOM:  [cough]

BEDEVERE:  What makes you think she is a witch?

VILLAGER #3:  Well, she turned me into a newt.

BEDEVERE:  A newt?

VILLAGER #3:  I got better.

VILLAGER #2:  Burn her anyway!

VILLAGER #1:  Burn!

CROWD:  Burn her!  Burn!  Burn her!...

BEDEVERE:  Quiet!  Quiet!  Quiet!  Quiet!  There are ways of telling whether

    she is a witch.

VILLAGER #1:  Are there?

VILLAGER #2:  Ah?

VILLAGER #1:  What are they?

CROWD:  Tell us!  Tell us!...

BEDEVERE:  Tell me, what do you do with witches?

VILLAGER #2:  Burn!

VILLAGER #1:  Burn!

CROWD:  Burn!  Burn them up!  Burn!...

BEDEVERE:  And what do you burn apart from witches?

VILLAGER #1:  More witches!

VILLAGER #3:  Shh!

VILLAGER #2:  Wood!

BEDEVERE:  So, why do witches burn?

    [pause]

VILLAGER #3:  B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?

BEDEVERE:  Good!  Heh heh.

CROWD:  Oh yeah.  Oh.

BEDEVERE:  So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?

VILLAGER #1:  Build a bridge out of her.

BEDEVERE:  Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

VILLAGER #1:  Oh, yeah.

RANDOM:  Oh, yeah.  True.  Uhh...

BEDEVERE:  Does wood sink in water?

VILLAGER #1:  No.  No.

VILLAGER #2:  No, it floats!  It floats!

VILLAGER #1:  Throw her into the pond!

CROWD:  The pond!  Throw her into the pond!

BEDEVERE:  What also floats in water?

VILLAGER #1:  Bread!

VILLAGER #2:  Apples!

VILLAGER #3:  Uh, very small rocks!

VILLAGER #1:  Cider!

VILLAGER #2:  Uh, gra-- gravy!

VILLAGER #1:  Cherries!

VILLAGER #2:  Mud!

VILLAGER #3:  Churches!  Churches!

VILLAGER #2:  Lead!  Lead!

ARTHUR:  A duck!

CROWD:  Oooh.

BEDEVERE:  Exactly.  So, logically...

VILLAGER #1:  If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.

BEDEVERE:  And therefore?

VILLAGER #2:  A witch!

VILLAGER #1:  A witch!

CROWD:  A witch!  A witch!...

VILLAGER #4:  Here is a duck.  Use this duck.

    [quack quack quack]

BEDEVERE:  We shall use my largest scales.

CROWD:  Ohh!  Ohh!  Burn the witch!  Burn the witch!  Burn her!  Burn her!

    Burn her!  Burn her!  Burn her!  Burn her!  Burn her!  Ahh!  Ahh...

BEDEVERE:  Right.  Remove the supports!

    [whop]

    [clunk]

    [creak]

CROWD:  A witch!  A witch!  A witch!

WITCH:  It's a fair cop.

VILLAGER #3:  Burn her!

CROWD:  Burn her!  Burn her!  Burn her!  Burn!  Burn!...

BEDEVERE:  Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

ARTHUR:  I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

BEDEVERE:  My liege!

ARTHUR:  Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Camelot, and join us at the

    Round Table?

BEDEVERE:  My liege!  I would be honored.

ARTHUR:  What is your name?

BEDEVERE:  Bedevere, my liege.

ARTHUR:  Then I dub you Sir Bedevere, Knight of the Round Table.